Eight Things to Love on the Worst Day of Marriage

It's Valentine's Day, and my husband didn't buy me anything.

It's not because he's some kind of inconsiderate jerk or forgetful oaf - actually, if I needed anything, he would be happy to buy it for me, no holiday required. But at our house, we don't really celebrate the day of candy hearts and Cupid. You could blame the fact that my hopelessly unromantic husband isn't going to let Hallmark and Hershey dictate his actions, or the fact that I tend to consider each day alike (Romans 14:5), not making a big deal out of holidays. Besides this, a more personally significant day for us this month is our anniversary, which happens to fall in February...when we have one.

Getting married on Leap Year makes for a memorable, if rare, anniversary. This year is a special one: eight years after promising to love each other forever, we'll finally have our second official anniversary! When I ponder this fact coupled with the obstacles we have faced, I am truly in awe of what God has done for us. Don and I have more than our share of differences, and our marriage is far from perfect, but God kept our vows intact through the rough early years, and His faithfulness continues today. To celebrate our eight years of marriage this month, I thought I'd share some of the unexpected ways that marriage can be a blessing, even on the most difficult days.

The Commitment
After struggling through and seeing God work in our marriage, Don and I know that divorce is not an option. Whatever disagreements we may have, we are stuck together until death does us part. To be totally honest, I'd be lying if I said there are never moments when I look forward to that day. We are human, and our sinful natures can flare up in ugly ways that make me wish the earth would open up and swallow me whole. But as hard as being stuck together can be, I am thankful to know that we're stuck. We are committed. I trust my husband to be faithful, and there is a great security in knowing that no matter how we feel, our marriage will last.

The Companion
In the Garden of Eden, God created Eve because no suitable helper could be found for Adam. He needed a companion, a soul mate, someone to help him in the task of ruling over creation. As a wife, I have the opportunity to be that helper. I can fill a God-given need within my husband for intimate companionship. I also know that I have a faithful friend for life and a date for every special occasion. When I need to talk, I have someone in my own home who will listen - or at least give a grunt of acknowledgment once in a while from behind his computer screen. And after a long day listening to people half my height, sometimes it's nice just to have a fellow adult around.

The Help
Along these lines, while we may not be quick to admit it, Don and I need each other. He earns the money and gives me the opportunity to be a full-time homemaker and homeschool mama. He makes sure we have a comfortable place to live and food to eat. I make sure we have a clean place to live and cooked food to eat, and that our bills are actually paid, all while raising our little ones. Without him, I wouldn't be able to rearrange heavy furniture or have the luxury of staying home with our children. Without me, he'd be eating raw Ramen noodles for dinner and looking for his keys.

The Fun
Our definitions of fun can be drastically different, but being forced to live with our polar opposite allows us to experience things we otherwise would have missed out on. Before marrying Don, I wouldn't have been interested in shooting guns or working out, and now I love those things. We still enjoy some separate hobbies, and other times, we have found a creative way to be together (such as right now, when we're sitting on the couch together - I'm blogging while he is playing video games). And in case I don't get to mention it elsewhere, I have to tell you: my husband is funny - and I don't mean his looks. From silly songs to rhyming games to ridiculous puns, and sometimes even the way he makes fun of me, he makes me laugh more than I ever have in my life.

The Offspring
Most people tell us that our children are cute, smart, and beautiful, so I guess I married a man with good genes. But the truth is, we don't just have children so we can sit back and watch their adorable antics. (In fact, if we sat back and watched for more than five minutes, their antics would be anything but adorable!) Besides that we want lots of volunteers to take care of us when we're old, we are attempting to raise warriors for the Lord's army. The little people who interrupt our conversations today will be tomorrow's preachers, missionaries, teachers, and mothers. I am so thankful for the opportunity to bear and raise children for the Lord, and I am even more thankful that I don't have to do it alone.

The Refinement
Like parenting, marriage has an uncomfortable way of revealing our selfishness and driving it out of us. When we yield to the Spirit's work in our marriage, we are forced to forgive when we want to be resentful, to give when we want to hold back, and to love when our spouse seems unlovable. From the minor grievances of cohabitating (seriously, why can't the man ever put his clothes in the hamper?) to the serious decisions (like the year we had to live with his family), being married provides ample opportunities for personal and spiritual growth. For me, God saw my issue with pride and gave me someone who wouldn't cater to it with flattery, but would instead point out the harsh truths that I need to hear. And if being married to Don has made me even a little bit more patient, kind, loving, or unselfish, that's something to be thankful for.

The Challenge
Because we're continually being tested and refined, and because we are two flawed and selfish human beings trying to mesh into one, marriage is not easy. It's hard. The work of becoming more patient and kind means shedding some tears and giving up some things - or many things - that we want. But if life was always easy, we would all be lazy, and we would never need God. Facing the challenges of marriage shows us the power of Christ when we overcome them. When my husband fails to meet my expectations or desires, I can take it to the King of Kings. Because my husband isn't perfect (and history would indicate that I am far from perfect myself) I am driven to my knees to find strength in the One who IS perfect.

The Picture
The most beautiful thing about a Christian marriage is that it's not just about us, or even about our children and extended family. It's about Christ and the Church. Ephesians 5:25-27 says:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Our marriage is intended to be a testimony to the world of how Christ loves the Church and how the Church submits to His leadership. Our picture is fuzzy at best, but getting our eyes off of ourselves and fixed on our Savior really helps to bring it into focus. God's design is for a man and his wife to join together and become one flesh. And I'm happy to say that even on the worst days, or on unacknowledged holidays, He is still at work in our marriage after eight crazy years.

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