Pink Pants, Purple Pencils, and Who I Am in Christ

I've been having a very minor identity crisis lately. Blame it on my abrupt attack on nearly every area of life, but my generally introspective, perfectionistic self is in hyper self-examination mode right now. My hair, my clothes, my priorities, my diet, my time management, my spiritual life, my habits, my dresser drawers...you name it, and I'm thinking about how it is, how to make it better, and how it makes me who I am.

Strangely, we tend to define ourselves by things that can change: our looks, our hobbies, our preferences. I find it interesting to realize how mine have evolved through the years. Ten years ago, I had just rebuilt my wardrobe of flare leg jeans after a few years of wearing gigantic (and by most standards, ridiculous looking) wide-leg jeans that dragged on the ground. In the past few years, I have been wearing skirts pretty much all the time. In recent months, I discovered yoga pants, and now I don't want to wear anything else. (My mom will tell you that I have always been this loyal to my own fashion and hairstyle trends...just ask about the turtlenecks of 5th and 6th grade!)

5th grade, year of turtlenecks and big hair bows

I grew up being the girl who liked blue while my little sister had everything pink. In my teen years, I realized that I liked green just as much, and blue and green together were the best. This Crayola-combination is still one of my favorites, but recently, I've been a little obsessed with pink. Having a baby girl or two certainly helped, as did the gift from my husband of a distinctly girly pink-and-black gun. Then I requested a pink and black tool set, in hopes that Don would not steal (and consequently lose) my tools. (I was totally wrong about that, by the way - he always uses my tools now, because they come in such a handy and convenient tool case. He does put them back though!) Since then, I have acquired a bright pink camera, blow dryer, bow and arrow, tote bag, and bathrobe for my expanding collection of fun and feminine items. Oh, and I have two pairs of pink yoga pants!

I could go on and on about how my quirks have changed to fit my husband's preferences and my own evolving life. Ten years ago I wouldn't touch red meat; now our favorite place to go is the Longhorn Steakhouse for the Flo's Filet. I ate a bowl of Breyer's every night until last summer, when I got hooked on Shakeology and haven't bought ice cream since. I thought guns were scary; now my husband suggests a date to the gun show and I respond with enthusiasm. I thought exercise was taking the stairs instead of the elevator; now I do hour-long workouts and lift heavy weights. I loved snuggling other people's babies. Now I still love babies, but I'm usually too busy holding my own to pick up any others.

This isn't my gun...not yet, anyway. ;)
I was scoping out pink weapons at the gun show,
and this AR was pretty cute!

It is tempting to find my unique self-worth as a girl who loves pink (or green, or blue), and skirts (or jeans, or turtlenecks), and babies (yours, mine, or the unknown orphans in a foreign country). But I thank God that though the world sees only these external things, they are not what really count. Who am I to the Lord Jesus? He doesn't put me in categories like "homeschool mama," "wife who works out," or "pink girl." My value is not in my possessions or preferences or even my performance. It's in Him.

Studying Ephesians has been really helpful with understanding this concept. I have a color-coded system (yes, another quirk) for how I underline verses in my (pink) Bible, and purple is the color for verses that answer the question, "Who am I in Christ?" Ephesians 1 is chock full of purple verses. I recommend that you read this whole passage, because if you are a believer, it applies to you too:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession — to the praise of his glory.

In Christ, I am chosen - predestined to be one of His own since before the foundation of the world. In Christ, I am forgiven - every ugly thought and word and deed is wiped clean. I was a slave to sin, but I am redeemed by His blood. I am not alone; I am adopted into His forever family. And in Christ, I have confidence, because I am sealed with the Holy Spirit.

As fun as they may be, my pink pants do not make me special. I am special to God because He chose me to be His own. My true identity lies not in the colors of my wardrobe, but in the purple-lined verses that remind me: I can only find my true worth, satisfaction, and peace in the perfect love and saving work of Christ Jesus.

My favorite pink things


This post is linked to:

Some Fun Questions - Thoughts of Spring Blog Party

Hello friends and visitors! Today I am participating in the Thoughts of Spring Blog Party hosted by Lynnette at Dancing Barefoot on Weathered Ground. I thought it would be a fun way to meet some other bloggers while giving my faithful reader(s) some further glimpses into my personality.

To those who are visiting, I am Manda, wife of Don, full-time homemaker and homeschooling mom. Don works from home, so our little family is together pretty much all the time. We welcome as many children as God wants to bless us with, which so far has been Donny (6), Hayden (4), Lydia (she'll be 2 in June), and (as I wordlessly announced in my last post) one on the way! We are expecting Baby#4 in October, and hoping to relocate before that. Don and I are lifelong New Englanders who are ready to get away from the snow and live in an area where we can afford to house our growing family. I have not had much time for blogging lately, especially now that we are getting ready to sell our home, but I love sharing our little adventures and life lessons through writing. My blog is named after one of my favorite verses, Isaiah 40:11, which reminds me that in every step of this parenting journey, my God will gently guide me, and that no matter how often I fail, He holds me close to His heart - what a comforting promise!

Here in New England, the closest thing we have to spring right now are the ugly patches of pine needles showing between the dirty snow piles. We got a record amount of snow this year, so despite some "warm" (a.k.a. above freezing) days, there are still ample snowbanks dotting the brownish landscape. Hopefully in a few weeks, we will see some flowers peeking through (and Don and I will plenty of work to do making our messy yard presentable for the real estate market). In the meantime, here are some of the questions from Lynnette's suggested interview to help you get to know me a little better. Thanks for reading!

How would people describe your personality? (If they could only use ONE word.) Are they right?
I guess it would depend who is describing me. My husband says, "meticulous." I think that's an accurate description, but not the top word I'd choose.

What are your favorite animals?
Tigers, tortoises, pandas, cows, horses, and the fascinating duck-billed platypus

Movies: Action, Drama, Romantic Comedy, Documentary, Comedy? What are your favorite genres?
I'm not a big movie watcher. I like romantic comedies and some documentaries.

Books: Fiction, Non-Fiction, Romance, Biographies, True Stories, Self-Help, Devotional/Study? What are your favorite types of reading material?
I never read fiction, even though I was a huge reader growing up. When I read now, it's for my own education - books about parenting, marriage, Christian living, the Bible, or how to do something (gardening, homebuying, etc.). I also love reading Above Rubies magazine - it is such a great encouragement for mothers and homemakers!

Music: Funk, Rock, Country, Jazz, Classical, Film Score, Blues, Classic Rock, Crooner, Alternative, Heavy Metal, Techno? What are your favorite types?
Music affects my mood a lot, so normally I only listen to praise music. I need lyrics that help me focus on God.

What is your comfort food/drink?
In winter, tea with milk and honey to drink; homemade cookies or pie to eat. In summer, I much prefer ice cream! Hot buttered toast is always nice, too - especially for slightly queasy pregnant bellies.

If money wasn’t a factor, what stores would you shop in?
I would grocery shop at Whole Foods, buy household things from Target, and order clothing and other special items from moms who make them. I would love to have custom made clothes!

What is your greatest fear or strange phobia?
I think that drugs - whether illegal or prescription - and all their potential side effects are pretty scary.

Be brave – tell us something very random and weird about yourself.
I used cloth diapers with all my babies and love them. With Lydia, I also did infant potty training (or elimination communication), which means that I have been putting her on the potty since she was 2 weeks old. If I could be just a little more consistent, I think she'd be fully potty trained by now at 21 months. It definitely makes more sense to me now than training a baby to go in her diaper and then expecting her to magically want to stay dry once she reaches a certain age.

If you inherited a million dollars, what is the first thing you would do with your money?
Don and I would have to decide together, but we would probably buy a house we love and can live in forever, help our families, and add to our family through adoption. First, though, we would put most of it into savings so that we could live off the interest.

Name one weakness of yours (confession is good for the soul).
I set all my clocks 10 minutes fast, but I am still late a lot. At least now I am three minutes late instead of thirteen minutes late, but still, I wish I could be more punctual.

If you could live anywhere at all (and take all your loved ones with you), where would you go?
Arizona! Don and I both love the climate, politics, and cost of living in the Phoenix area, which is why we are looking to move there. We can't take ALL of our loved ones, but I think many of them will be joining us once we get settled. Our second choice would be Texas, somewhere outside Dallas/Fort Worth. Arizona won out because of the complete lack of humidity, tree-borne allergens, and time zone. Speaking of which, Arizona doesn't do Daylight Sayings Time, which I think is awesome!

Strange Talent? Can you juggle basketballs, put your legs behind your head or perform some other strange feat?
I can curl the corners of my tongue in so it looks like a flower. And no, I will not be demonstrating this talent for anyone other than my lucky family.

What’s something you consider yourself to be good at? (Don’t worry, it’s not bragging, it’s acknowledging a God given gift).
Writing and organizing things

Do you have a strong desire to do something you’ve never done? What is it?
Moving faraway to a warm, desert-like state is high on the list for the immediate future, but in a few years, Don and I would love to adopt.

What is one of your favorite things to catch a whiff of?
I love the smell of most babies' heads.

When you leave a social gathering, do you wish: You would have talked more or You would have talked less?
I guess I wish I had talked more. Really, I usually wish I had said something specifically kind/funny/conversational that occurred to me after the gathering but not during.

Are you a hopeless romantic?
No, my dear but very un-romantic husband drove that tendency out of me several years ago. ;)

What is your greatest accomplishment?
Staying married to my hopelessly unromantic husband for seven years and raising a family with him - which is really God's accomplishment, not mine!

Thanks for stopping by! If you haven't already, feel free to join in with your own interesting quirks and happy thoughts of spring!

100 Posts

Believe it or not, this is my 100th post here on Lambs in His Arms. To commemorate the occasion, I thought I would share 100 random things which you may or may not know about me. Thank you for reading along, and I hope you enjoy getting to know me a little more!

1. My real name is Amanda
2. ...but I much prefer to be called Manda. I have never liked pointy A's.
3. The "All About Me" book I made in preschool says "My name is AMANDY."
4. My sister is also named Amanda.
5. No, my parents aren't crazy. Amanda Rae is my stepsister. I have a sister and a stepbrother too.
6. I have never had a dog or cat.
7. I have lived with cats though. I'm not a fan.
8. I have two boys, Donny and Hayden, and a baby girl due in June.
9. When I was pregnant with Donny, I craved baked goods, especially muffins from the supermarket bakery. Mmm, carrot cake.
10. Donny LOVES muffins.
11. I ate ice cream every night when I was pregnant with Hayden.
12. Hayden is allergic to milk, so he has never tried ice cream.
13. While nursing him, I could not eat ice cream either...or any of the many other foods he is allergic to.
14. I picked out Hayden's name. It is still my favorite boy name.
15. Donny has the same name as his daddy and grandfather.
16. I once considered having 10 children and giving them all J names. Years later, the Duggars became famous for having 18 children...and all of their names start with J.
17. Don and I really hope to be blessed with lots of children.
18. We would love to adopt children in the future if God leads
19. ...and we will welcome as many biological children as God gives us. :)
20. Being a stay at home mom is my dream job.
21. In fact, I was distressed on high school career day because homemaker, housewife, and mom were not considered legitimate careers.
22. I am one of the youngest moms I know.
23. I am not an athletic or adventurous person.
24. I have never gone skiing, and do not intend to.
25. I have never broken a bone. See #23 and 24.
30. My favorite fruits are red/pink (apples, watermelon, cherries, strawberries...)
31. ...and my favorite vegetables are orange (carrots, butternut squash, pumpkin, and orange peppers).
32. I don't drink coffee or alcohol because I don't like them, and have no desire to acquire a taste for them.
33. Homemade oatmeal with cooked apples is one of my favorite foods.
34. I prefer pretty much anything homemade, since I can make it the way I like.
35. I bake bread every week.
36. I like my food cooked. Cereal, salads, and sandwiches do not appeal to me.
37. I find it challenging to feed four people with very different tastes and dietary restrictions.
38. Music affects my mood, so I prefer to listen to hymns or praise songs, if anything.
39. Snuggling with my husband is pretty much my favorite thing on earth to do.
40. My favorite book of the Bible is Psalms.
41. I also love Ruth, Isaiah, and pretty much all of the New Testament letters.
42. I started memorizing Ephesians last year, but gave up in the second chapter.
43. I really should work on memorizing more Scripture; I was blessed by what I did learn
44. ...plus, memorization is easier for me than for many people.
45. I think that's why I did well in school. I always got A's.
46. I went to public school for 12 years.
47. I plan to homeschool my children for about 18 years. ;)
48. I went to college for Early Childhood Education.
49. I'm glad I have an Associate's Degree, and didn't waste more time and money on education I didn't need.
50. My favorite color is green. I also love royal blue.
51. I love long showers, freshly washed sheets, and clean floors - pretty much anything that feels clean.
52. My hand, feet, and nose always feel cold to other people.
53. I love having green eyes with dark hair, since it's not very common.
54. I wonder how many of our children will have curly red hair like my husband.
55. So far, Hayden looks mostly looks like me.
56. Donny looks like Donny. I think he's a fair mix of Don and me.
57. I am not tall, and people usually gasp over how little I weigh in pounds.
58. Apparently I don't have much muscle. Muscle is heavy.
59. My husband has more than enough muscles for both of us. <3
60. But when I'm done being pregnant, I hope to start exercising again.
61. I love the miracle of the conception-to-birth process!
62. God has blessed me with fairly easy pregnancies.
63. In fact, pregnancy is the only time that I don't have frequent migraines.
64. I am not sure what causes this apparent correlation.
65. I am right handed.
66. I only talk on the phone with my left ear.
67. And the year I did gymnastics, I was a lefty gymnast.
68. My husband is an amazing gymnast.
69. We went to the same high school.
70. ...But we met at church.
71. I thought he was kind of geeky.
72. He is. He fixes all of our computer problems. :)
73. And he's good at so many other things too. I am very blessed!
74. I was baptized as an infant, and by my choice at age 9.
75. I didn't live as a Christian in high school.
76. I am eternally thankful that the Lord drew me back to his side!
77. In college, I volunteered a little bit at a crisis pregnancy center.
78. I love babies.
79. When I worked in childcare, I was an infant teacher.
80. I loved taking care of the babies there, but I would never want to put my own child in a center.
81. I believe breastfeeding is the best and most natural way to feed a baby.
82. I wear my babies a lot when they are small. It's like hands-free snuggling. :)
83. I wish more people would embrace children as the precious gift from God that they are.
84. I do not find parenting or marriage easy; I believe both are for my sanctification.
85. I was an avid reader as a child and preteen.
86. Jane Austen, L.M. Montgomery, Louisa May Alcott, and Laura Ingalls Wilder were my favorite authors.
87. I think I owned all of the books written by the above authors as part of my large collection.
88. The said collection has been thinned through several moves. Frequent moving is a great way to part with unnecessary possessions.
89. I am a former packrat who now hates clutter passionately. I started anti-clutter nesting while pregnant with Hayden, and it never went away.
90. I don't read many books anymore, and never fiction.
91. I do like to read how-to type books (how to garden, Christian parenting books, etc.) occasionally, but more to gain knowledge than to enjoy the process of reading.
92. I would love to have a vegetable garden someday, and hope to start a little this year.
93. I also wish I enjoyed sewing...I would make so many cool things.
94. I love having friends and family over to visit.
95. I love having a clean house. It's so much more peaceful.
96. I try to eat well by day, but I must have dessert every night.
97. Dark chocolate is far superior to milk chocolate, and dark chocolate with nuts is even better.
98. In elementary school, I wanted to be a famous author when I grew up.
99. I put writing aside for many years. Then I discovered blogging, and here I am.
100. I am thankful for all of my dear readers who took the time to read this. May God bless you!

The Spirit of God has made me;
the breath of the Almighty gives me life.
Job 33:4

Sleeping Comfortably

If you have ever been pregnant, you know what I mean when I say it can be difficult to get comfortable.

I have recently started dreaming of a deluxe pillow (maybe something like this Leachco Back 'N Belly pillow) that will cushion and support my entire body without making it impossible to snuggle my husband. The Big V Pillow that I loved while pregnant with Donny was later recalled as a suffocation hazard, and when the tiny pellet filling began to leak everywhere, I decided it was time to part with it. Right now, I usually curl up against Don's body pillow - which he periodically reminds me is HIS, and that *I* am the one who banned it from the bed due to its bulkiness - and tuck the end around so that I can elevate my feet at the same time, which is supposed to help with the varicose veins. It's not ideal, but it works to keep me propped in the recommended left-side position without discomfort.

I have also had the thought lately that I might like a weighted blanket - you know, the kind that are recommended for children with autism or sensory disorders? Being a rather sensitive person myself, I think I would find the added weight comforting. It looks like there are a few choices in companies who make bed-size blankets that are basically giant Beanie Babies, stuffed with polypropylene pellets. Just imagine how cozy I would be in a nest made of U-shaped pillows and heavy blankets...I might have trouble ever getting out of bed in the morning!

My children have their own ideas about how to sleep comfortably. As a toddler, Donny liked to burrow. When the three of us were sharing a room, Don and I would often find him buried under the pillows at the head of our bed. In fact, sometimes it took a few minutes to find him. At three years old, he slept curled up with a sheet, and only a sheet, regardless of the temperature in his bedroom. Now, at four, he has consented to tucking his sheet in at the end of his bed and the use of additional blankets...at least some of the time. Other times, he prefers his "sleeping pillowcase," a Christmas gift that my grandmother created from black fabric emblazoned with a treasure chest print. Though it doesn't match anything in his room and is much larger than his pillow anyway, Donny likes to make use of the pillowcase as a sleeping bag. I guess I should be thankful that he at least sleeps in his bed now, since this is the boy who has often napped in a box, basket, or any other bizarre place he could squeeze his body into. I have an entire folder of pictures on my computer of places I have found Donny sleeping!

Hayden, on the other hand, usually refuses to sleep with any blankets. He may or may not want to be covered up at bedtime, but when I check on him later in the evening, I inevitably find him uncovered. Last night, he was stretched out with his feet on his pillow and his face perilously close to the edge of the mattress. I turned him around and - despite knowing that he would probably wriggle out of them again - pulled up his sheet and quilt. I feel better knowing that he is properly tucked in, safe and warm in his bed.

Whether we, like Jacob, lay our head on a rock (um, ouch!) or snuggle up on a pillow-top mattress surrounded by luxurious sleeping aids, we all need rest. I may have an unending lists of tasks to tackle each day, but eventually I need a break before I can go any further. My body's inability to work non-stop is a reminder of my humanness, my frailty. My flesh is weak. I cannot do it all. And even if I have to leave some things undone, I do look forward to going to sleep. There is something very comforting about curling up in my own familiar bed, snuggling under my favorite quilt, and drifting off to sleep beside my favorite man in the world.

Sleep reminds me that my children are only human, too. No matter what stresses, messes, or moments of exhaustion a day may hold, it all seems to melt away in the peaceful darkness of watching them sleep. They are precious little people who have been entrusted to my care, dependent on me for their earthly comforts and sense of security. As I pray over them before I head to bed each night, I tuck them under their sheets and baby quilts once more - not because they want covers, or even need them, but because I want to do this. It is my privilege as a parent to delay my own sleep long enough to snuggle, soothe, pray, and realize that these moments are fleeting. I won't always be pregnant. I won't always have little ones to tuck into bed. There won't always be cries of "Mumma!" until 9pm or a pitter-patter of little feet invading my bedroom in the wee hours of the morning.

And I won't always be comfortable.

Living as a Christian in a broken world, I cannot hope or expect to live a completely comfortable life, but the God of All Comfort is always with me. No matter what the circumstances, I am held safe in His everlasting arms. He gives me the privelege of rest and of daily work and of quiet moments to seek Him. He blesses me with a deep satisfaction in my role as a wife and mother. He fills my busy days with meaning and purpose that I could never otherwise find. And at the end of the day, with or without the latest advances in sleeping technology, I can rest peacefully, knowing that my Heavenly Father can comfort me as nothing else can.

As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you...
Isaiah 66:13a

Darn Socks

I love wearing socks. While others may look forward to donning sandals or going barefoot in the summertime, I prefer to keep the air conditioner blowing just enough to justify keeping my toes comfortably covered. This summer I have even occasionally sported the oh-so-stylish socks and sandals look while walking to the mailbox. When cooler weather comes, my indoor wardrobe includes black slippers over my white ankle length athletic socks. But this week, three of my favorite socks have suddenly developed holes. Apparently the heels of my most recent package of Hanes Her Way are all wearing out at the same time. And while I'm not one to ignore or repair my damaged socks, I do make use of them by turning them inside out and adding them to my rag collection - which at this point may actually be larger than the pile in my sock drawer.

So what Scripture could I possibly think of to discuss my holey socks? Believe it or not, I didn't have to think of one; the Lord provided one in my reading this morning:

He also says, "In the beginning, O Lord, you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you remain; they will all wear out like a garment. You will roll them up like a robe; like a garment they will be changed. But you remain the same, and your years will never end." - Hebrews 1:10-12

How true that is! We live in a disposable world where everything wears out or breaks. Just last weekend, I cleaned out the laundry room closet, (it is literally a closet with a washer and dryer and shelves, but somehow the management at our apartment complex gets away with calling it a "laundry room") which is actually where I store my ever-expanding assortment of sock rags. On one of the cluttered shelves, I had stashed some damaged items, waiting for the day when I would figure out what to do with them. I decided to throw away the ripped tool bag as well as the rolled up bath mat that had somehow fused to itself, rendering it unusable. I wasn't sure what to do with the colorful children's CD player, complete with karaoke microphone, which worked consistently for only a month or two after we bought it. It seems too nice and new to throw away, but who wants a CD player that is already halfway broken? The junk collection also included a battery-operated bubble blower that stopped blowing bubbles several months ago, and it was impossible to overlook the oversize stuffed penguin who was thoroughly rubbed with Vick's Vapor Rub one day when Donny was supposed to be napping. I gave the penguin a long overdue bath and he was nearly as good as new, but I still filled a garbage bag with items destined for the dumpster. I also have a bag of outgrown and well-worn clothing waiting to be dropped off at the thrift store. We have been blessed with so much, but even the highest quality of earthly possessions cannot last forever. The foundations of the earth itself are destined to perish, and with them everything the world contains.

Like my socks and my children's broken toys, this world will be worn out and eventually discarded. It is so comforting to know that while everything else is passing away, our God remains unchanged forever. Why do I fret about anything that in the end will pass away? The only One who matters will never wear out, run out, break up, or break down. Whatever we find beneath our feet, we can know that He remains the same!

As I type this, I am noticing that the heel of my left sock is wearing thin. I guess I will need to buy a new package soon, or resign myself to wearing my second favorite brand. And maybe I should make some sock puppets for the children - we certainly have the supplies.

Unclean

I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols.
Ezekiel 36:25

So far, I have mentioned some of the highlights of our vacation: the beautiful scenery of the Lakes Region, the fun times with family, the peacefulness of communing with nature. Yet in the midst of this, I have also been challenged by my own clandestine fear of dirtiness. Honestly, this week has been the closest to camping that I ever want to get. On one hand, I was deeply thankful that the house has laundry facilities; our towels may have grown mold without the aid of the electric dryer. I felt comfortable bathing the boys in the bathtub that did not seem gross, and I certainly appreciated that there was hot running water for showers, though in limited quantity. I even enjoyed the woodsy charm of the cabin's knotty pine walls and ceilings. On the other hand, my inner dirtophobe went into a state of alert over the sandy floors, the stairs that smelled like wet dog, the potential germs in someone else’s bathroom, the leaky toilet, the questionably clean dishes in the musty cupboards, the damp sheets, and the ants crawling across the kitchen table. I survived for the week, but it is difficult for me to imagine living like this all the time; I have been counting down the days until I get home to my own bed, shower, and kitchen in our newer, cleaner, drier apartment.

I have to say, I love being clean. If I were to compose a song about my favorite things, the chorus would certainly mention warm showers, clean sheets, freshly vacuumed rugs, and orderly closets. My love of the the clean, the tidy, and the organized is helpful to my homemaking career, and I do believe that our Lord is a God of order, not of chaos. But sometimes my fondness for all things neat and clean threatens to turn into a bizarre sort of idol worship, where my peace is destroyed until I achieve the comfortable level of cleanliness I seek. Don’t get me wrong; my home is far from spotless. I don’t follow guests around with a Dustbuster, nor do I carry Lysol spray in my pocketbook. Really, my issues are not so much about my actions, but more about the inward struggle I go through when I feel like I or my surroundings are dirty, unsanitary, or overly messy.

I suspect that my struggles are fueled by our ultra-sanitary American culture. I need to remember that people throughout history have lived happy and Godly lives without the luxuries of disposable plastic wrappers or self-flushing toilets. Before vacuum cleaners and indoor plumbing, women kept home with dirt floors and dirty feet. Bugs and rodents were everyday occurrences. Today, we react over a large insect the way pioneer women must have reacted to an angry grizzly outside the cabin door. People bathed once a week and wore the same clothes every day to do physical labor, yet I insist on washing shirts that the children have worn for just a few hours. My mental standards of cleanliness seem almost ridiculous in comparison.

Yes, times have changed since pioneer days. But what if someday God calls me to a third world country, and I have to live in a place where even clean drinking water is scarce? Thinking less extreme, what if I have to live in a home that smells musty or looks dirty or is (I shudder as I type this) infested with pests? Can I truly be a joyful keeper of my home if I am ever faced with such challenges? In the midst of the shabby, the old, and the unwashed, could I truly boast contentment in Christ alone, or would my longing for something better cast a shadow over my home?

Just to be clear about the intent of this post, I am not in any way trying to denounce personal hygiene, cleanliness, or sanitary conditions. However, I am denouncing the false god who tempts me by setting up cleanliness as an idol to be worshipped. Absolutely, I will continue to strive for a clean home; I will continue to wash my floors, dishes, clothing, and children with faithful regularity. But I will also pray for an attitude of love that sees past dirty floors and dirty feet. If I am really to love others, I must be willing to get dirty – even if I can’t wash my hands right away, even if I don’t have my favorite pink dishwashing gloves to protect my delicate skin. Lord, may I pour out at your feet my obsession with a germ-free, dirt-free life. May I rise above whatever muck and mire and dust and dirt I find myself in, to look in your face and know that You are the only one who can truly make me clean.

Entering The Blogfold

I have decided to join the ranks of worldwide bloggers.

It seems logical – after all, my first career goal, starting in second grade, was to become a “famous author.” I envisioned myself writing children’s books, and held to that aspiration until my teenage years, when hanging out at the mall with friends became more appealing than composing stories and poems. Throughout childhood and even high school, I have journaled off and on, recording my thoughts and the little details of life that are otherwise forgotten. Since becoming a wife and mother, though, my writing has been mostly limited to emails and grocery lists. I know that this is a precious time in my life and in that of my children, so maybe blogging is just the tool I need to capture these moments. And since the digital camera is one of my favorite inventions, I am excited at the opportunity to illustrate my journaling with photography. They say a picture is worth 1000 words, but knowing my tendency toward wordiness in writing, I imagine that here you will find both.

In a way, I’m late to jump on the bandwagon, as it seems like everyone with a computer and an opinion has a blog right now. But besides my resistance to anything trendy, I think the idea of blogging has turned me off because, as one who poured over books like The Beginner’s Guide to Getting Published as a child, I saw writing as a career. Blogging, on the other hand, means giving out my ideas for free. However, in the past three years as a stay at home mom, I have grown accustomed to working without pay. My sweet husband works hard to provide for our family so that I can be “busy at home.” I am so thankful to him and to God for the blessing of being able to care for my children and my home full-time. I take my homemaking job seriously, so I have to accept blogging for what it is: not a means of acquiring wealth, but a new hobby and an outlet for the creative expression that has been lying dormant within me.

The other contributor to my reluctance has been my somewhat obsessive need for order. I felt my blog needed a theme and an audience. Would it be a collection of photos and anecdotes to show relatives what the children are doing? Or would I expound on a Bible verse each day, journaling how it relates to my life? Would I share personal thoughts, or change my children’s names to protect their privacy in the vast world of cyber space? Since I can’t seem to narrow it down to a single theme, I have decided to plunge ahead with what everyone else (seemingly) is doing: an online journal about anything and everything I want to write about, for anyone - or no one - to read.

This blog will be about me – maybe more about me than you ever wanted to know. It will be about my husband, Don, and our two boys, Donny and Hayden. It will be about our quiet days at home and the adventures that lie ahead. And it will be about God, because without Him, nothing else has meaning. The Lord is my Shepherd, and it is only by His grace that I live, move, exist...and write.

For in Him we live and move and exist, as even some of your own poets have said, 'For we also are His children.'
Acts 17:28 NASB